That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
