I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
