i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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