my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
