Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
tell me about the fingering
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