he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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