I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
