the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
