Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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