So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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