Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
