I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
