you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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