she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
