remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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