guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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