dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
