Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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