You really coming over, don't trick.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
