last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize