Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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