she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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