you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
