you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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