Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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