So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
