So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
