idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
