If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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