This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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