I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
