Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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