i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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