Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He? As in you personified your dick?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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