I seem to have left my pride at pride
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
