if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
