3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
