it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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