that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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