We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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