remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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