I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
