finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
