Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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