New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
