I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
