yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
