i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
