I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
