if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
