allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
