I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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