Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
