Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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