Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
