He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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